WANTED: Mr. Whipple

The following dispatch from the environmental war front appeared yesterday in Green Daily…

“Wow, we knew that America’s obsession with soft and fluffy toilet paper was a problem, but how bad is it really? According to Allen Hershkowitz, senior scientist from the Natural Resources Defense Council, America’s toilet paper problem is actually worse for the planet than it’s love of fuel-hogging SUVs. That’s on account of the chemicals used in the manufacture of pulp and, of course, the fact that we’re leveling old-growth forests to wipe our butts with.

“The outcry over America’s bathroom habits is being promoting in part by recent data showing that 98% of the toilet paper consumed in the US in 2008 came from virgin fibers (compare that to 60% in Europe and Latin America). According to the NYT, a significant portion of the quilted, super fluffy, triple-ply TP that comes from the nation’s leading brands comes from rare old-growth forests in Canada. Sadly, the super comfy paper that is enjoyed for only a couple of unsavory seconds takes decades, if not centuries, to grow. Of course, there are plenty of alternatives out there like recycled TP or — for hardcore conservationists — the cloth toilet wipe.”

Reading the above, we had a thought that also might have occurred to you.

With the economy playing havoc with new vehicle sales, wouldn’t this be a great time to pick up on a Hummer at at huge discount. Then you can drive it over to your local grocery wholesaler and fill its cavernous interior with crates of Greenpeace-recommended toilet paper made of high post-consumer and recycled content.

On your next trip to the bathroom, relieve yourself of guilt, knowing your purchases created a net value to the environment.

Maybe not, huh?